


Bound to Fall Apart

by BlackValentine



Category: The League Series - Sherrilyn Kenyon
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sadness, Songfic, mention of past suicide attempts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 02:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16735785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackValentine/pseuds/BlackValentine
Summary: A sad lil songfic based on the interaction between Darling and Maris in Darling's office from "Born of Silence". Minor spoilers(kinda?) if you haven't read it.





	Bound to Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> The League series and all related characters belong to Sherrilyn Kenyon. The song "Tin Man" belongs to Miranda Lambert - Go listen to it if you haven't. Not only is it awesome, but it helps set the mood for the story. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=Y8PWkTnsrCo 
> 
> I own nothing but your possible tears. Enjoy!

_Hey there, Mr. Tin Man  
You don't know how lucky you are..._

“I’m trying to help you, Darling.”  
“Help me what? Get killed?”

Maris grit his teeth at the accusation he was growing tired of hearing. After so many years of the two of them protecting each other, how could Darling now accuse him of trying to get him killed? Even knowing Darling’s head was far from being in the right place since his torture, it still stung bone deep. 

“You know better than that, Darling, but I’m running out of options. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to idle in the corner of your room and watch you drink yourself into a coma? Or worse, to death? You already smell like it and look almost worse than when we found you in that forsaken pit.”

The instant the words were out of his mouth, Maris regretted them, and the pure rage burning in those blue eyes told him he’d crossed a line.

“How would you feel, Maris?” Darling snarled at him. “How would you feel if every single time you looked in a mirror, you had to look at this?!”

Before Maris could answer, Darling ripped off the gold mask and threw it at him with such force that it would have hurt had Maris not been so shell-shocked at the sight. Catching the mask on reflex, his eyes brimmed with tears as he finally saw all that had been done. No, not all, he reminded himself. He’d seen the medical report from Syn and knew that what he could see barely scratched the surface, but seeing the damage for himself was different than reading black and white words on a screen.

_You shouldn't spend your whole life wishin'  
For something bound to fall apart..._

Darling turned away from him, leaving Maris to stand there as he watched his only true friend flinch from memories they both knew would never go away. The agony in those eyes that had once been full of teasing fun made Maris’ heart stop in his chest, and the knowledge that there really was nothing he could do made him want to rip it out entirely.

It was only when Darling moved away to go find the Tondarian Fire lost in the disaster of his overturned desk that Maris finally managed to break from his spell with a harsh swallow.

“You know I don’t care what you look like, Darling,” he said quietly as he moved slowly to set the mask on one of the many bookshelves before reaching to take the bottle from his friend’s hand, shaking his head and grabbing Darling’s wrist when the other tried to take it back. “None of us do. I care about your heart, and your heart will always be beautiful, no matter what happens. This… this isn’t helping you.”

“Yes it is, Maris. It’s all I have anymore. There’s no beauty left, no strength or power or skill. What am I to anyone? I can’t see, I can’t sleep, I can’t hardly move without hurting… I’m worthless.”

_Everytime you're feeling empty  
Better thank your lucky stars  
If you ever felt one breakin'  
You'd never want a heart…_

Maris bit the inside of his lip as he listened to the agonized voice, but didn’t speak to protest. It didn’t matter what he thought right now; what mattered was that Darling was opening up to him again, even if only because he was so broken and flagged. 

“You know why I drink, Mari?” 

Afraid of the answer, Maris shook his head. 

“Because it drowns out the voices. It drowns out the hatred and disgust in my heart, but no matter how much I drink, it can’t drown out the pain.” A bitter laugh tore from Darling’s lips before he spoke again. “I guess the pain learned to swim.”

_************************************************************  
Pinned to the wall and scared for his life, Maris held his arms up in front of himself in a vain attempt to protect himself from the bully who had been relentlessly beating on him since his first day at the new school his father had forced him into. Unable to return the beating under threat of being expelled and having to face his father, he stood there wishing the older boy would go away when suddenly a blur of red fury came from nowhere to knock the bully away from him. Smaller even than Maris and much smaller than the bully, Darling didn’t let his size deter him from beating that bully into the ground until the older boy was crying and begging him to stop. Darling not only made the bully apologize, but made him promise to never touch Maris again and sent him off crying for his mommy. _

_************************************************************_  
Maris had been in love ever since. Darling became his hero, his rock in the storm that made those years bearable, and oftentimes the only reason Maris bothered to fight at all. Even after he’d outed himself when Darling caught him ogling the males while training, Darling had never judged him or hurt him. 

At least not intentionally. Knowing he could never truly have Darling’s love, no matter how close they were, broke his heart on a daily basis and made him ache worse than any physical pain he’d ever experienced.

But what Darling didn’t know didn’t hurt him, and Maris would never add to his pain.

_Hey there, Mr. Tin Man  
You don't know how lucky you are  
I've been on the road that you're on  
It didn't get me very far…_

Tears still burning his eyes, Maris set the bottle next to the mask on the bookshelf before stepping closer to Darling and wrapping his arms around his waist. He fully expected Darling to curse at him, to pull away and possibly even hit him like he’d been threatening to do since they’d rescued him, so when Darling leaned back against his chest and closed his eyes, Maris had to swallow the lump that formed in his throat. And when Darling lifted one arm to wrap it around Maris’ neck to hold him as well, it took all Maris had to not let his jaw tremble with emotion. Darling hadn’t allowed him to hold him like this in years, and he knew his friend never allowed anyone else the privilege.

That alone told Maris just how flagged and broken Darling was.

“I’m so tired, Mari,” Darling breathed out, leaning more into Maris as his breathing grew ragged. “There’s nothing left in me but pain and misery. I’m so tired and so fucked up and there’s not a damn thing I can do about any of it. I can’t even sleep to make it go away.”

Maris swallowed again, the lump in his throat as persistent as the tears in his eyes.

“If there was any way I could help you, Darling, you know I would. I’d do anything to take this away from you.”

“I know, Mari,” Darling responded quietly, “but you can’t. Even you can’t fix it this time. I just wish it would end…”

Maris tightened his hold as he felt Darling start to relax in his arms, his mind flashing back to all the suicide attempts and the panic he’d felt each time. That was why he stayed, because no matter how much it hurt some days, the pain of knowing he’d never have Darling to himself paled in comparison to the possibility of losing him entirely.

“I’ve got you, sweetie. I’ve got you. Even if I can’t fix it, I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

_You ain't missin' nothin'  
'Cause love is so damn hard..._

They were quiet while Maris held him, swaying slowly in the destroyed room. He could feel Darling’s heartbeat slowing down, no doubt more from the intense alcohol intake more so than comfort, but he was glad regardless to feel Darling relaxing, even just for now.

Brushing back the long strands of greasy hair, Maris kissed Darling’s cheek. He could see the tears shining in Darling’s eyes, but true to his steadfast and defiant nature, not a single one escaped. His strength in times of utter chaos and agony had always amazed Maris, and it was just one of the many traits he loved about his fierce warrior. 

Darling leaned back more into him again, nearly all his weight surrendered to Maris’ arms now, and reached up one hand to cup Maris’ cheek. The feel of the leather on his cheek made Maris swallow harshly, torn between wanting to feel Darling’s flesh but also not wanting to see the damage under those gloves.

“Some days I wish I could change, Mari. Why couldn’t this lie be real? I’m so tired of pretending. Loving you would make everything so much easier, you know that? You’ve never hurt me or betrayed my trust, and you’ve always been here for me… even when I try to send you away. Why couldn’t I just be gay?”

_Take it from me darlin', you don't want a heart..._

The words stung Maris to his core, but he tried to keep the pain from his voice when he spoke.

“I’m not sure that would make life any easier for you, Dar. Pretending hasn’t done you well as it is.”

“Couldn’t make it worse,” Darling pointed out, his eyes closing as he lay there on Maris’ shoulder. “And at least I’d have you.”

“You already have me, sweetie.”

Maris tightened his hold more as Darling tensed, his hand fisting in Maris’ hair.

“They should have just killed me, Mari. My mother’s right - I’m no use to anyone like this. This empire would be better off with someone else to rule it… someone who can actually lead them and protect them instead of hiding away like a freak. Why couldn’t they have just killed me instead of leaving me like this?”

“Darling, no. Don’t you dare even think that,” Maris responded quickly, the all-too familiar pain and panic returning with a vengeance. “I don’t want to imagine a world without you here with me.”

“But it’s true,” Darling argued, his words slurring from the alcohol that was finally taking effect. “I’m nothing.”

“You’re my champion, Darling.” Maris tightened his hold as Darling began to go limp, his hand falling from Maris’ hand. “You’ll always be my champion.”

“I just want the pain to stop, Mari. Nothing makes it go away. I don’t want to feel anymore. I just…”

_Hey there, Mr. Tin Man  
Glad we talked this out  
You can take mine if you want it  
It's in pieces now..._

His last words slurred off as he passed out, and Maris let out a shaky breath before swinging him gently into his arms so he could carry him from the office to the governor’s quarters. Laying him on the bed, he carefully pulled off his hooded cloak and boots and set them aside, then turned back and bit his lip as he stared down at him for several heartbeats before slowly removing his gloves as well. The damage there was as expected, with angry scars from the handcuffs intersecting the ones from when Darling had tried to kill himself. And his finger… Even though Syn had done an amazing job replacing the missing finger with a cybernetic one, Maris could see the faint line where it connected to real skin, and it broke his heart. 

Debating but quickly deciding against removing the explosives strapped to Darling’s chest, Maris let out a heavy-hearted sigh as he covered his friend with a blanket. At least Darling was talking to him again, even if the words hurt, and would get some rest. 

Maris hated this. Darling was his champion, his warrior, his rock in the storm, and to see him so vulnerable and distraught like this… it was killing him. 

_“I just want the pain to stop, Mari. I don’t want to feel anymore.”_ Darling’s words echoed in his mind and shredded his heart. 

“I wish I could make it stop, Darling…” he whispered to the silent room as he sat on the edge of the bed and lifted Darling’s hand so he could intertwine his own fingers with Darling’s scarred ones. “I wish I could be what you need.”

But he couldn’t and he knew it. They both knew it. What Darling didn’t know was why Maris flung himself around in short affairs instead of settling down. Maris told him he enjoyed it, that he didn’t want to be tied down in some mundane married lifestyle, but the truth was that he had no heart left to give to anyone else. 

Darling owned him, heart and soul, and Maris was more than all right with that. He would never trust another with it like he trusted Darling anyway. 

_By the way there, Mr. Tin Man  
If you don't mind the scars  
You give me your armor  
And you can have my heart..._

Squeezing Darling’s damaged hand, he lifted it to his lips and kissed the scarred knuckles as he whispered the three words Darling would always repeat but never truly mean.

“I love you…”


End file.
